Raise a Glass

This has been a year of unexpected changes. Deep digging and discovery. Loss. Darkness and light.

As many of you know, my long-standing class at Yogaworks was cancelled for reasons that do not need discussion here. My purpose in bringing this up is that what I perceived to be such a huge loss has created something sweeter.

The Monday night crew at Turtle Island rocks and would not exist if Yogaworks hadn’t dumped my other classes. You guys are the reason I teach. Your support, your dedication to the practice and your willingness to show up and learn week-after-week is really the biggest gift. It is a small class that allows for friendliness and shared experience. And it is a dream teaching situation since it is the same group of people week after week. I am able to get to know your practice and work with that to shape the classes. Hands down my favorite yoga thing to do every week is to teach that class! A deep bow of gratitude to my students who are willing to come and do this thing with me!

I passed my first rung on the Iyengar certification ladder this year. I got to do that with Steph and Anna which made the whole process immeasurably more enjoyable. Gloria’s insistence on teaching simplicity and teaching correctly carried me through that process. She’s fierce and what I learned from her gave me wings.

I get to learn from Manouso week after week. I have come to love him deeply and I say this without some windswept, stars in the eyes way of thinking of one’s teacher. I love him not because of any particular thing he does or says or gives to me. I love him because he is entirely 100% himself and every single bit of his teaching comes from his own truth and from many years of devoted and dedicated practice. He’s human and flawed but I know, without a doubt, that his reasons for teaching are to ‘move us along on our path.’ I can ask him anything about my students, my practice, or my personal struggles. All of it is treated with care and kindness. And best of all, no performance is required to be  his student. Show up. Do the work. And the rest will follow. He’s not interested in you making pretty picture poses for magazines but in you healing, growing, living in the practice. I hope to carry a teeny tiny bit of that to my own teaching.

My home practice became a refuge. I do it now without thinking. The sacred space of time alone on the mat – it saves me, it frees me and it is my best teacher. I finally got what Gloria means when she says that class is for learning and what happens at home alone is your practice.

Pranayama also took root. It has been a slow getting to know you process with the breath. And I see more and more how it’s a reflection of my internal world and also a way to manage how my internal world and external world interact. I can soothe, awaken, slow down and deepen. I can change the state of my mind by paying attention to my breath.

Tara Brach and her book Radical Acceptance entered my world. She got my ass back on the  meditation cushion. This time I do believe it will stick.

Sarah. I had 2 shrinks in the past 40 something years. This one came from a random day and a random google search. She kicks my butt hard and my relationship to the things that hold me and to my own heart are changing. She won’t read this so I can use this space to say how incredibly grateful I am to have stumbled upon her wicked ways.

My sweetest sweetest love passed this year. Idge was a mountain of love on 4 furry stumpy legs. She traveled with me a long time and her absence and presence are always with me. The loss of her was, in my mind, unsurvivable. I grieve for her still but there was a deep acceptance of her leaving. She taught me well and her work and her body were done. She is one of the greatest teachers I will have in my life. My sweet black dog, seal, alligator, Idger, Podger, baby Bhujangasana, woobie, deer footed love your helicopter tail and hang 16 are burned in my memory.

Here’s to letting 2011 slip away with a gentle bow of the head. Let 2012 have more kindness, more presence, more shine, and more time standing on a mountain side in the sun.

Namaste.