Please keep it down - Introvert at work here!

There are a lot of jokes at work about my 'shyness.' I tell my colleagues that I am an introvert and well they burst out laughing. Impossible. I flap my jaws for a living in front of different groups of people. I am loud. I speak up. But they don't know that this is not naturally who I am. This is a learned behavior that became necessary for survival.


I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. Words like 'painfully shy' were frequently used to describe me. I remember being 5 and none of the other members of my ballet class showed up and I was left alone with my teacher. I spent the entire class looking down at the floor and I wouldn't speak or look at him. Speeches in front of anyone made me sick to my stomach and I spent a lot of time alone reading or hanging out in the library with Heather Fern. This didn't improve much in college though I did force myself into situations where speaking would be required. There was a part of me that knew this was going to be a requirement for survival in both school and then in the workplace.


Susan Cain in Quiet: The Power of Introverts aptly describes what it feels like to be an introvert placed into these very uncomfortable situations. It is almost like you are violating some primal part of yourself when someone who is naturally quiet is required to be aggressive, loud or get up talk on a moment's notice. It was a huge RELIEF to learn there are others out there like me!


Did I mention I make a living talking? I regularly stand up in front of groups of people and speak. And I am an Iyengar yoga teacher who stands in front of 20+ people a few times week. All eyes on me and all ears on my words. In so many ways, it doesn't make sense given who I am! I am sure some of my childhood teachers would find this fact shocking given my girlhood silence.


After reading Quiet, I have a better perspective on what it means to be me in a louder, busier much more extroverted world. I don't like large gatherings of people and the word 'networking' makes me feel sick to my stomach. None of this is because I don't like people - I do but as Cain describes in this book - people like me prefer small gatherings of close friends where meaningful connection and conversation can occur. I suck at small talk and end up all clammed up in a corner when that is the main conversation event at a gathering. Instead of feeling badly about this, this book has helped me understand that it is built into my very nature.


Cain also describes how once we understand our natures - introvert/extrovert of some combination - that we can regulate our choices to help achieve balance. When I am overstimulated, I can remove myself from a social situation. When I am feeling a little blue and lackluster, I can meet a friend for tea. My energy comes not from other people but ample time spent alone - thinking, reading, and allowing the muse to roam. When I deny myself this, I am thrown out of balance. The same is true for those of you who draw your energy from interactions with others.


I love how everything in this world is so connected. Things come together in front of me like beautiful lines of poetry. This unexpected book led me down unexpected pathways of thinking about myself and others. And it reinforces the idea that when we understand different perspectives it makes it more and more difficult to judge others.


The world needs more quiet. Many of the world's great thinkers, inventors, and social activists were introverts. The most powerful point of this book for me was this: Balance. The Middle Way. Ying and Yang. The world is out of balance when only one way is perceived as better. We need BOTH introverts and extroverts to make things work well. This can be applied to anything really - religion, food preferences, politics and on and on. It is like darkness/light and joy/sadness. Another little tool for understanding each other.


I don't have children but it would have been great if my teachers had understood better about kids like me. "Just speak up" and "what is the matter with you?" were not helpful in getting a quiet, introverted girl to blurt out her opinions in front of the class. I believe in going beyond our comfort zones and that has happened to me over and over again but especially for those quiet, emotional, and more withdraw kids - more sensitivity as to what would draw them out and help them grow would alleviate a lot of suffering.


I highly recommend Quiet. There is lots I didn't mention in my little discourse but if you are interested in another perspective on human nature - check it out!


Please note that I am a contributor to From Left to Write which is a super cool virtual blogging book club with more than 100 members. I received a free copy of Quiet to read, think about and then write about here. Everything mentioned in my little discourse is my opinion. Keep reading! 


Are you an introvert or extrovert? Author Susan Cain explores how introverts can be powerful in a world where being an extrovert is highly valued. Join From Left to Write on January 19 as we discuss Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain. We'll also be chatting live with Susan Cain at 1PM Eastern on January 26. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.